Skip to main content


From the Talker's Pen


Monday morning, office set. I strut majestically to the bus stop. I can sense it, it will be a wonderful week. I am on time unlike my usual self, my heels are super comfortable and my mirror gave me wonderful news this morning. My bumbum looked two times bigger and I was super glad. Now, nothing could bring me down! As I kept walking, I was the center of attraction, people kept looking at my behind and I was glad that I did those squat exercises regularly.
7:32 and I am at work. I walk in effortlessly happy and flip my hair to announce my arrival. Everyone looks at my backside as I walk by and I am elated. Some people laugh, bad belle people, but I am unbothered. As I get ready to settle on my table, Anita drags me to the side.
"Girl, you're stained," she says.
I gasp and do a quick visual recap. People had been looking at me, shaking my nonexistent big backside because it was stained! I quickly run to the ladies room to get a glimpse of the stain.

Extra embarrassin…
Recent posts

Station Chronicles

Injustice! I hate injustice with every inch of my hair! I will never understand why people choose to cut corners and cheat their fellow humans. Dear readers, I want to take you along this walk today. We are going to fight against corruption! We are going to report injustice! We are going to the station!
I recently did business with someone, Mr Xyz and he thought he could play smart and outsmart me. Imagine, outsmart me with this my 'Energy Saver' brain. After purchasing and paying for a product, I got home to realize that I was not given correct change. I put on my shoe and headed for the station.
Yes, one person must vomit my money. Hard earned cash. As soon as I got to the station, I presented my case to the fuel attendant. Yes, fuel station oh, not Police station. Who get power for Police?
I went to the fuel attendant and protested. I told him corruption was a very bad thing to do and he looked at me in a puzzled way. I had to explain to him that he had given me change sho…


She had few words for humans
 Fewer, for men
A little more, for women

Hair, lipstick and physique ,
She would compliment her fellows
And so, her sexuality, men critiqued

"she loves me not, damned harlot"
"She loves men not, damned lesbian"
On an on, they cussed, a lot.

I liked men, too much for one lifetime

But I never fancied a man
Too stupid to accept a NO
And debate the bedding of my bed, by his clan


Terrible things seldom happen when you are most prepared for them. Ever since I moved in to my new apartment, I have slept with one eye open (some Fetty Wap level). I do not believe in having a gun to protect myself so I decide to get the number of a police man who lives in the neighbourhood. Now, this is not a regular policeman. He does not have the trademark pot belly and even irons his uniform! Back to the main point.
Growing up, do you remember how NEPA never took the light on days your clothes were ironed or on days you didn't have any appointment but they never brought it when you needed to press clothes? Or how you could spend all day at home and not purge but the moment you dress up to go out your stomach gives you a nice prank at the busstop ? Or how the zip to your dress never gets spoilt on days when you wear a singlet or shimmy  as underwear except the day you decide to wear a low back padded dress without bra. Okay ,okay. That is what is happening right now.
I have a…


Enjoyment is a necessary part of life, enjoy as much as you can. Food, is a necessary part of life, eat as much as you can. However, be wise. In all that you do, remember Caution, she will help you a lot. If you know me, you know how excessive I can be about things. I remember this one time when I bought a soap that promised to give flawless skin in one week. So, I thought, why wait a week if I can get it in two days? All I have to do is use the soap a lot. My first bath lasted about an hour because I figured that the more I washed, the more my glowing skin would come out.
Okay, first bath did not do the trick. I tried again. I started bathing three to four times a day. What can an unemployed child do with her time? Bathe! Long story short, soap got finished and I still had my jagajaga skin . That's when I decided to stick with my inexpensive Ose Dudu (black soap). Enough about soap and back to my excessive attitude.
You know how they say that too much of everything kills? Well, …

Hither and 'Teether' About Meat

Some of us live in constant pain, pain that is not considered pain. Some of us live in constant pain, terminal pain. I have been up since 12 am, trying to suppress the torture that 'being human' has placed on me. How do you enjoy life when the little things that ought to give you joy, turn to emotional and physical agony? All my life, I have watched people eat meat without thinking twice. I have watched people laugh after eating meat while I try to laugh along, toothpick in hand.
Am I not disabled? Having dentition that allows the swift entry of meat through my teeth but prevents the swift exit. Everybody eats suya and is happy. I eat suya, I try to be happy. One sharp and masterful insertion of toothpick to remove the 'disease causing intruder' leads to several missed attempts. Well, now I know why being a surgeon wouldnt have been the best career choice.
Another attempt to remove the stuck piece and someone reminds me that it is bad to use toothpicks. I am told to a…

3 AM

I woke up at 3 am. This was the best time to do it and get on with life, it was a time without souls on the walkways, just the regular night guards who were now familiar with my work pattern.
I woke up at 3 am. Got out of bed and breezed into my silk dress, no underwear. A risky thing to do, considering it improved my chances of getting raped, according to some people. I didn't care. Whoever wanted to rape would rape, with or without my underwear.
I woke up at 3 am, got to the kitchen and opened the back door. There, it laid  as usual, in a black thrash bag. I motioned towards it, hesitating for a bit. But why, this was my usual responsinility. I had to clean up over them and get rid of every evidence. Somehow, I felt guilty, a part of the larger evil in the world.
I woke up at 3 am, got the 'package' and slid out of the house. I monitored my footsteps closely to avoid noise. I monitored the air to taste for human presence though my nostrils. I monitored everything but my…