Terrible things seldom happen when you are most prepared for them. Ever since I moved in to my new apartment, I have slept with one eye open (some Fetty Wap level). I do not believe in having a gun to protect myself so I decide to get the number of a police man who lives in the neighbourhood. Now, this is not a regular policeman. He does not have the trademark pot belly and even irons his uniform! Back to the main point.
Growing up, do you remember how NEPA never took the light on days your clothes were ironed or on days you didn't have any appointment but they never brought it when you needed to press clothes? Or how you could spend all day at home and not purge but the moment you dress up to go out your stomach gives you a nice prank at the busstop ? Or how the zip to your dress never gets spoilt on days when you wear a singlet or shimmy as underwear except the day you decide to wear a low back padded dress without bra. Okay ,okay. That is what is happening right now.
I have always prepared myself in the event of robbery. Every night, I would go to bed well fed. Just in case I get robbed or kidnapped I would like to be well fed during the event. I also have my phone unlocked for ease of dialling numbers. My password is really long thanks to my nosey colleagues at work who can't keep their hands off my phone. Finally, I ensure that I have some cash at home. Now, you do not want to piss a thief off by being broke, you should always keep money for them at home.
Tonight. I have just fifty naira which I plan to use for my bike fare to work tomorrow. My phone is dead because I do not have electricity and I do not have fuel. I used to have someone at a petrol station gift me free fuel because he liked me but he stopped the day I took a twenty liter keg instead of my usual five liter. As for food, I am starving.
So, here I am. Unsuitable to be robbed.
Terrible things seldom happen when you are most prepared for them. I fumble in the dark for my jeans. Nobody wants to get robbed in their underwear, especially women. I get dressed and begin to think of the possible places to hide. The freezer, the ceiling or the toilet. Suddently, I get this strange urge to look through the blind and view the face of the person attempting to enter my house forcefully.
I spot a tall, bearded man fumbling with the door. He puts in a key and tries to unlock the door. It does not work.
He screams, "Open the door or I will blow your brains out."
At this point I am petrified. He moves towards the flower pot and begins to urinate in it. Next, he says, " you didn't flush you this mad woman!"
My fears double. He is not an ordinary thief! He is a mad thief. As I rush through a fast prayer for protection, I begin to hear voices.
My neighbour next door shouts, "Gbenga you are drunk again tonight. Fool, that's not our flat! Come upstairs!"
Growing up, do you remember how NEPA never took the light on days your clothes were ironed or on days you didn't have any appointment but they never brought it when you needed to press clothes? Or how you could spend all day at home and not purge but the moment you dress up to go out your stomach gives you a nice prank at the busstop ? Or how the zip to your dress never gets spoilt on days when you wear a singlet or shimmy as underwear except the day you decide to wear a low back padded dress without bra. Okay ,okay. That is what is happening right now.
I have always prepared myself in the event of robbery. Every night, I would go to bed well fed. Just in case I get robbed or kidnapped I would like to be well fed during the event. I also have my phone unlocked for ease of dialling numbers. My password is really long thanks to my nosey colleagues at work who can't keep their hands off my phone. Finally, I ensure that I have some cash at home. Now, you do not want to piss a thief off by being broke, you should always keep money for them at home.
Tonight. I have just fifty naira which I plan to use for my bike fare to work tomorrow. My phone is dead because I do not have electricity and I do not have fuel. I used to have someone at a petrol station gift me free fuel because he liked me but he stopped the day I took a twenty liter keg instead of my usual five liter. As for food, I am starving.
So, here I am. Unsuitable to be robbed.
Terrible things seldom happen when you are most prepared for them. I fumble in the dark for my jeans. Nobody wants to get robbed in their underwear, especially women. I get dressed and begin to think of the possible places to hide. The freezer, the ceiling or the toilet. Suddently, I get this strange urge to look through the blind and view the face of the person attempting to enter my house forcefully.
I spot a tall, bearded man fumbling with the door. He puts in a key and tries to unlock the door. It does not work.
He screams, "Open the door or I will blow your brains out."
At this point I am petrified. He moves towards the flower pot and begins to urinate in it. Next, he says, " you didn't flush you this mad woman!"
My fears double. He is not an ordinary thief! He is a mad thief. As I rush through a fast prayer for protection, I begin to hear voices.
My neighbour next door shouts, "Gbenga you are drunk again tonight. Fool, that's not our flat! Come upstairs!"
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