Impacting Positively

 The beauty of being a woman comes in various shades. It is the pride of being ‘unbewitchable’ unlike the male gender. For a woman can never be conquered by juju or black magic, only a man can. Only a man can be bewitched to lose his senses and become ‘snatchable’ by another women who disconnects him from his wife.  This in turn births another strength of a woman, a woman can break such ‘bewitching’ locks through prayer! Glory! Yes! Only a woman can pray her spouse out of infidelity for men are a breed immune to the gift of prayer. So when a woman is unfaithful, society knows, society can tell, a man is not expected to pray his wife back to her marriage for two reasons. One, she cannot be bewitched by another man for she is immune to juju and two, men cannot pray. The absence of the ‘bewitchableness’ of a woman is sometimes called into question particularly at burials of husbands. Yes, we try to make exceptions for women. Only widows can kill their husbands to inherit their pr...

Daydreaming. My only hobby. What else could a girl do, living in an area that was constantly being lit up in flames with blood splatters from dead victims serving as manure to farmlands that would never be cultivated by its owners. There was nothing fun. Having friends were a waste of social skills. A friend could die in the next raid or get lost while fleeing the village. The sound of anything permanent was dreaded here, except marriage and mine was in two days.  When you are poor, you don't really plan an extravagant ceremony. Both families had concluded that it was going to be an in-house affair and the bride price was moderate. For my parents, the marriage was a means to get their daughter out of the village to the city where my groom lived, out of danger.  So, on the morning of my wedding, when the groom's family arrived. Everyone was excited. We peeped out the window and saw their cars, although this time they were more than usual. Usually, they would come in buses, thre...

"So what makes you happy?" I asked Don. "Oh well, good food, " He replied. I smiled casually, but deep down, I added that to the list of points I needed to add to my skillset. I had been casually asking him what he liked and didn't like so I could know what I needed to pretend to be, in order to keep this one. Yes, keep this one. A man is a purse, meant to be kept! No juju, no big bumbum, no yellow girl was going to take this one from me. Big bum, check! I got it. Although six months ago, I didn't. I had spent a loan I took from my uncle which was made for a supposed new business venture (I lied) on getting my bumbum increased in size. Although it hurts sometimes when I sit for long, I didn't care. Anyway, back to base! Don had mentioned he liked good food, ladies who wore revealing outfits, ladies who barely eat, he didn't like the idea of a woman eating too much food, he wanted them classy he had said. So, tonight I made a conscious effort t...

You tortured me for nights, unending. You ruined my days, unending. The very moments I placed my head on the pillow to sleep, you began your unending cries. Who was haunting you, I never knew. Who or what were you crying for? I never knew. All I remember is your cry at 3 am sounding loud in the compound. All I remember is my anguish and pain, being unable to sleep after long hours, coming home from work, only to work more and meet deadlines. They said that you cried, because you had to, I never bought that. Because of you, I fantasised about murder, in anger. I knew I had to be swift. I had to calculate every move. First on the list. Knives. I knew I needed sharper ones. My knives were barely capable of slicing onions well. I needed sharper ones to slit a throat. Second on the list. Nothing. Actually, all I needed to rid my nights of sleeplessness was a knife or two. Sharp enough to kill. ... So here we are. Angie. My neighbour's beloved. Helpless you are. Lifeless soon to ...

You know you've been through this before. You know searching for comfort, a place to relieve yourself should take time, so you can fully 'rest' when you find that place. You know you should look for a good spot and not just some random 'place' without privacy. You know all these, but you're running out of time. Your patience is thinning and your mind is running wild. You run to a place for comfort, it's not secure. Then to another place, not secure. Then ahead, and ahead, till you finally find somewhere you can be you. You look out for signs of danger, you see none. It's been a long time of binge eating on junk and now it's time to let it all out.  You pull your trousers down and release the big lump of shit into the Bush. You let out an orgasmic 'ahhhhhhh' and your waist thunders in relief. Some people find love in hopeless places, like friend zoned besties but people like us that eat everything we see? We find love in the nea...

Location: Musa Slaughter, Agbor, Delta State. Woman 1: How much last? (flips meat over) Seller: cow head cost well well. Just buy ordinary meat, take this one for 5000. (A conversation between a meat seller and a buyer. Beef is one of the most common meat types in Nigeria. Maybe not expensive when it is cut up in chunks but believe me, it is worth a lot, whole) So how did we get here? The food chain places humans above cows. We eat the cows, we shit them. Our shit sometimes finds it way to the bushes, the grasses, the vegetation, and another cow eats the grass. They eat nothing special, nothing extra spiced and prepared with love, we do. So how did we get here? A whole cow costs about 60,000 to 150,000 naira depending on size. How much am I worth? If I was placed on a table, for sale, how much would you buy me? Probably for nothing! Because that is what the human life is worth in Nigeria, in Plateau at least. Plateau state is at war, a war it never consented to. Do you know wh...

This is how you heal, .....    you drink, the froth, ... inhale, the confusion This is how I healed, When my lover ...... Left me ... I drank, the froth, the dregs, the flies and their wings. I drunked on a debt Of happiness. This is how you heal when your lover leaves you, ... You never  Especially when you loved them and they tissued you, When the flame was low. 

He'd come home every night and sneak into his room, snoring within a minute. He'd stay away all day, abandoning work, the home, me. On some days, he'd eat the food packed for him, on other days, he'd be too filled with 'her', to eat my food. I'd often wonder where I  went wrong. Was I not a good cook? Did I do something that pushed him away? Was I a bad friend? Questions that formed bridges to nothingness. Questions that led me to misery. Maybe two months was too short a time. Maybe I should have waited a little longer before deciding to bring him home to live with me, but I was hooked at the moment and he was too. Then slowly, John began to drift away. He slowly began to develop a friendship with Betty, which I didn't mind. I had never been the jealous type until a few minutes with her began to turn into hours, and then days. Am I being unnecessarily jealous? I know that male dogs are known to wander a lot, but I never knew John would make a habi...

Bar nights, make the table happy, Drinks on me!  Clown a little, clown more Make the table happy. Even clowns need love too. 1:27 AM, Clown needs love tonight. The easiest thing for a sad man, Is to evoke happiness Not for himself, for humanity. Even clowns need love too. The laughter swims away, The darkness remains, the pain         .,. ... The responsibility of another day Dedicated                       To curing others of the illness That will kill you tomorrow. Clowns need love too.              

Monday morning, office set. I strut majestically to the bus stop. I can sense it, it will be a wonderful week. I am on time unlike my usual self, my heels are super comfortable and my mirror gave me wonderful news this morning. My bumbum looked two times bigger and I was super glad. Now, nothing could bring me down! As I kept walking, I was the center of attraction, people kept looking at my behind and I was glad that I did those squat exercises regularly. 7:32 and I am at work. I walk in effortlessly happy and flip my hair to announce my arrival. Everyone looks at my backside as I walk by and I am elated. Some people laugh, bad belle people, but I am unbothered. As I get ready to settle on my table, Anita drags me to the side. "Girl, you're stained," she says. I gasp and do a quick visual recap. People had been looking at me, shaking my nonexistent big backside because it was stained! I quickly run to the ladies room to get a glimpse of the stain. ... Extra embar...

Injustice! I hate injustice with every inch of my hair! I will never understand why people choose to cut corners and cheat their fellow humans. Dear readers, I want to take you along this walk today. We are going to fight against corruption! We are going to report injustice! We are going to the station! I recently did business with someone, Mr Xyz and he thought he could play smart and outsmart me. Imagine, outsmart me with this my 'Energy Saver' brain. After purchasing and paying for a product, I got home to realize that I was not given correct change. I put on my shoe and headed for the station. Yes, one person must vomit my money. Hard earned cash. As soon as I got to the station, I presented my case to the fuel attendant. Yes, fuel station oh, not Police station. Who get power for Police? I went to the fuel attendant and protested. I told him corruption was a very bad thing to do and he looked at me in a puzzled way. I had to explain to him that he had given me change s...

She had few words for humans  Fewer, for men A little more, for women Hair, lipstick and physique , She would compliment her fellows And so, her sexuality, men critiqued "she loves me not, damned harlot" "She loves men not, damned lesbian" On an on, they cussed, a lot. I liked men, too much for one lifetime But I never fancied a man Too stupid to accept a NO And debate the bedding of my bed, by his clan

Terrible things seldom happen when you are most prepared for them. Ever since I moved in to my new apartment, I have slept with one eye open (some Fetty Wap level). I do not believe in having a gun to protect myself so I decide to get the number of a police man who lives in the neighbourhood. Now, this is not a regular policeman. He does not have the trademark pot belly and even irons his uniform! Back to the main point. Growing up, do you remember how NEPA never took the light on days your clothes were ironed or on days you didn't have any appointment but they never brought it when you needed to press clothes? Or how you could spend all day at home and not purge but the moment you dress up to go out your stomach gives you a nice prank at the busstop ? Or how the zip to your dress never gets spoilt on days when you wear a singlet or shimmy   as underwear except the day you decide to wear a low back padded dress without bra. Okay ,okay. That is what is happening right now. I have...

Enjoyment is a necessary part of life, enjoy as much as you can. Food, is a necessary part of life, eat as much as you can. However, be wise. In all that you do, remember Caution, she will help you a lot. If you know me, you know how excessive I can be about things. I remember this one time when I bought a soap that promised to give flawless skin in one week. So, I thought, why wait a week if I can get it in two days? All I have to do is use the soap a lot. My first bath lasted about an hour because I figured that the more I washed, the more my glowing skin would come out. Okay, first bath did not do the trick. I tried again. I started bathing three to four times a day. What can an unemployed child do with her time? Bathe! Long story short, soap got finished and I still had my jagajaga skin . That's when I decided to stick with my inexpensive Ose Dudu (black soap). Enough about soap and back to my excessive attitude. You know how they say that too much of everything kills? Well,...

Some of us live in constant pain, pain that is not considered pain. Some of us live in constant pain, terminal pain. I have been up since 12 am, trying to suppress the torture that 'being human' has placed on me. How do you enjoy life when the little things that ought to give you joy, turn to emotional and physical agony? All my life, I have watched people eat meat without thinking twice. I have watched people laugh after eating meat while I try to laugh along, toothpick in hand. Am I not disabled? Having dentition that allows the swift entry of meat through my teeth but prevents the swift exit. Everybody eats suya and is happy. I eat suya, I try to be happy. One sharp and masterful insertion of toothpick to remove the 'disease causing intruder' leads to several missed attempts. Well, now I know why being a surgeon wouldnt have been the best career choice. Another attempt to remove the stuck piece and someone reminds me that it is bad to use toothpicks. I am told to ...

I woke up at 3 am. This was the best time to do it and get on with life, it was a time without souls on the walkways, just the regular night guards who were now familiar with my work pattern. I woke up at 3 am. Got out of bed and breezed into my silk dress, no underwear. A risky thing to do, considering it improved my chances of getting raped, according to some people. I didn't care. Whoever wanted to rape would rape, with or without my underwear. I woke up at 3 am, got to the kitchen and opened the back door. There, it laid  as usual, in a black thrash bag. I motioned towards it, hesitating for a bit. But why, this was my usual responsinility. I had to clean up over them and get rid of every evidence. Somehow, I felt guilty, a part of the larger evil in the world. I woke up at 3 am, got the 'package' and slid out of the house. I monitored my footsteps closely to avoid noise. I monitored the air to taste for human presence though my nostrils. I monitored everything but ...

A classroom does not make a teacher, sacrifices do. I used to think that teaching was by far one of the easiest things to do. What changed? My service year. Currently teaching in Delta state, I'm learning and unlearning new things about the lives of average teachers. Stay with me, as I document the highlights of my National Youth Service year in Agbor, Delta state. If there are any survival tips or ideas, I would appreciate a mail detailing them. Thanks.  

You do not. You love yourself And teach her the same You do not love bitterness You cure it. You do not love a bitter woman You love yourself And allow her ripen Not her breasts. Her. How do you love a bitter woman? You cannot, She destroys. 

So Abdul woke me up by 6 this morning. He said, "Musa, Musa. Let's go and play. " I have been eagerly awaiting this moment for days. Just last week, I was a regular beggar at Mariri until I met Abdul. In my usual manner, I walked up to him and asked for some notes for breakfast. He had sized me up with his tiny eyes which were obscured by his dusty and long lashes before giving me a hundred naira note. He walked away, then, walked back. I remember him asking my name and age. I replied, not that I knew my exact age, for I only knew the day I left home to beg and lost my way. We talked at length about things I cannot remember now,  and then, he put me in his car and told me to wait. ..... "Shehu, Shehu. Let's go and play, " he told the other boy beside me. We both got up and went outside. Abdul had brought us home on the same day and never stopped telling us about the game of luck that we were about to enjoy. We got in his car and Abdul began driving...

"What do you think you are doing?" I ask Fulerewa as she paces about. "Thinking, if we leave the body here, nobody will know we are responsible, " She replies. I walk over to it and poke the eyes with a broomstick to be sure it is lifeless. "Let's just tell Yeye we did it, she will shield us from any harm, " I say. Omahengwa has been silent the whole time and I forget that she is in the room until she speaks. "Let's get out of here before we are caught. There is no blood on our hands, and nobody can claim to find our fingerprints here," Omahengwa says. " I agree, " Fulerewa says, breathlessly. Unable to find a better solution, I drop the broomstick and say, "O da, we leave it here but this stays between the three of us. " We leave the room and close the door behind us, behind our secret. The next morning I am awoken by loud noises from people crying and arguing. I make my way out of the room and see Fulerewa...